How To Walk Humans
The problem with many dogs nowadays is that
they forget that a
human is not just
for Christmas, it is
for life. Shortly after being born, many
puppies (with
the naivety
and inexperience of youth, I must add) impulse buy a human. They seem
to think that owning humans
will be all play, forgetting that
the first few months are
the hardest
and that theyll have
to work like ahard worker.
This essential guide will help
you through those first months and hopefully, provide all first-time people buyers with
some invaluable insight into the bizarre workings of the human mind.
1. Entering the house. Once
you walk into the house (an over-sized kennel), mark
your territory immediately. Ideal locations for doing this
include any expensive looking rugs
or elderly relatives that are lying around. If the humans yell at you, do it again. It is important that you let them know
who is boss.
2. Make
yourself at home. Humans love
home improvement, so try
to add a bit of yourself to the house by altering the furniture. This is very easy to do, just nibble off the corner of a coffee table or scratch a door to pieces. Dont be afraid to use
your imagination and try something new; my personal favourite is moving lots of human food
from the inside of
their fridge to the adjacent floor. When the humans discover your work, make sure you sit next to it and wag your tail so that they realise whom to accredit the alterations to. If they become over excited, mark your territory.
3. Avoiding danger. Shortly after you have
settled in your new home, many humans will come to visit you. However, you
need to be careful
as you will inevitably encounter Children (mini humans; remember, the smaller the human, the more dangerous they are). Many children will insist on attacking you; theyll either rapidly tap you on the head or scratch your ear. This may be painful, or even just plain annoying, but please, please do not run away. Stay still (perhaps wag your tail as a sign of impatience) and pray that the mini-humans will lose interest. If you do attempt escape, the children will rapidly
pursue you. Indeed, nature knows no worse predator
than a determined mini-human.
Upon cornering you, the children will awkwardly hoist you in the
air and scratch/tap you some more. For emergency escape, mark your territory. The child will quickly abandon you. (This is not
strictly true, the smallest mini-humans, the variety referred to as Bairns, Babies or Lil Tykes will probably mark their territory as
well and then continue harassing you. Whimper to let them know that they have won and they will hopefully abandon you)
4. New
Tricks: The older you get, the harder these are to learn, but humans will try to teach you certain
performance pieces. They will often spend seven laborious hours with you (one in human time) getting you to act like them for various delicious rewards. Remember: the more you fail, the bigger the
reward. It is imperative that you let the humans know that you will only perform for them if they pay you with treats. The famous actress Lassie infamously forgot this golden rule. Apparently, she started off performing tricks such as sit without edible rewards, and before long was rescuing mini-humans from mine shafts for little more than an affectionate
pat on the head.
5. Exercise: Take your humans for
walks regularly. Humans are
notoriously lazy so will need
much encouragement. When walking, you will have your humans on a lead (a cable designed to enable dogs to tow and guide their humans to various destinations). The humans will frequently
pull on this lead and slow you down, but you must not let them walk at a normal
pace; they will not get proper exercise if they go too slowly.
Once you are off the lead, you must protect your humans from any passing cats or cyclists. Furthermore, many humans suffer from acute amnesia in open spaces. Indeed, they very often
drop a
ball or a stick on the walk, which you have to return to them. Moments later, they will drop the object again. Make sure you are patient and bring the discarded object
back to them each time, otherwise they will forget it.
When you return to the house, demonstrate that you realise that you are home by marking your territory.
6. Conversational English: Here are a collection of human phrases that you will find useful (do not repeat them, humans find it disturbing if their canine owners talk back to them in the same language).
Sit! - Take the weight off your feet and rest on your haunches.
Dinner! I have poured some dry, meat flavour biscuits into a bowl. Please try it. Din-dins!
Walkies!- Please take me outside.
Good
Boy/Girl Congratulations are in order.
Vet- Run for your life.
Wilmas next article will be published soon. For the mean time, dogs are welcome to try her earlier work, the self-help book Finding
Your Inner Puppy
Wilma Woof is the author pen name for
pet humour articles published on
http://www.allpetservices.co.uk, a free directory for pet services, pet sitting, dog walking, and more.
Making Money On The Internet - 10 Ways
I liked
the idea of making
money on the
internet. Now that
I haven't had
a job in
years, I like it
even more. I use several
ways to
make money online, all of them carefully considered, so I don't
have to be home to operate the business.
You see,
there are all sorts of ways of making money on the internet. I know
someone who sells surveillance cameras and equipment online, another who sells laminating machines from a
web site, and several people who sell ebooks. Here are some of the
other possibilities:
1. Subscription web sites. These are sites that have limited public content.
To get the good stuff, a visitor has to
subscribe. For example, a business-themed
site might offer unlimited access to its resources, including web site templates, sales letters, and the latest news and techniques,
for $10 per month. Get a thousand subscribers and
you'll be making some money.
2. Sell
your handicrafts. Many people sell the things
they make online and make a good living doing it. Everything from handmade walking sticks to dog clothing is sold online.
3. Sell your book.
The internet has made it easier than ever to sell your book without needing a publisher. You
can set up a sales site and either promote it
free using articles, or
pay for search traffic.
4. Sell downloadable products. Ebooks and reports are easy to make now, and don't require any printing expense. They also don't require any shipping. Buyers pay with credit cards (many companies will even handle that for you) and download
their purchases - even while you sleep.
5. Sell links on your web sites. If you have a good web site, people will pay to have links to their web site placed there. There are companies online that will arrange the
selling of these too.
6. Collect from pay-per-click
advertising. This has to be one of the easiest ways of making money on the internet right
now. Just
paste that code into your pages and start collecting for the
clicks. I knew I liked this way the first time I passed the $50 per day
mark on my click revenue.
7. Sell affiliate products. Visitors to my backpacking site click on the links I have put there and buy a tent or a
sleeping bag, and I get paid a 7% commission. That is the essence of affiliate marketing, but it works in many other ways, and the commissions range as high as 75%.
8. Refer
buyers to
an affiliate sales page without a web site.
Although it has become more
difficult to make this work, you can still make commissions without a website.
Postings in forums, articles, and online classifieds are all free ways you can
refer buyers to a site that you are an affiliate for.
9. Sell pixels or words on your website. Do you remember the man who sold a million pixels on a web page for a dollar each, in order to pay for college (and much
more)? Buyers got to advertise how they wanted with their 100 or 200 pixels
space. The next incarnation
was a buy-a-word site. Pay for a word and it was linked the buyers web site. What next?
10. Sell your expertise. Many people use a website and online promotion to sell their offline expertise.
Whether you are a
business consultant or a wilderness guide, you can make more money with an online presence.
Sell and ship products. Sell products that don't need to be shipped. Sell advertising. Sell your expertise online. Sell your offline services online. Sell other people's products. Sell your own products. These are just some of the basic categories of online business.
Within each of these categories there are dozens of ways of making money on the internet. Why not get started?
Steve Gillman studies money. To learn about unusual ways to make money, including 10 more ways of Making Money On The Internet, and to get free e-courses and ebooks, visit the page
http://www.UnusualWaysToMakeMoney.com/making-money-on-the-internet.html.
Making Money Without Traffic?
Through
the ages
men always looked
for ways to make more money. Usually
this entailed working
very hard,
or doing a lot of
illegal things. The internet
truly changed
the face of money
making opportunities forever. For probably the first time in the history of the world
you are able to make money sitting at home the whole
day. The Internet opened up brand new
ways of increasing your own personal wealth.
Affiliate
marketing is probably one of the easiest
ways to increase your monthly income, as I
am currently doing,
and it is
open for anybody
with a computer and an internet connection. Even people without their own website
are able to make extra money being an affiliate. In
short affiliate marketing means that
you advertise someone else's product and introduce new buyers to their products. For your
trouble you are usually paid a percentage of the sale, sometimes up to 75 commission of a
$40 sale means you pocket $20 for very little trouble on your side. The wonderful thing
about affiliate marketing is that you can make money literally even while you are sleeping. But, there always is a but somewhere, what you seldom hear is that you only make money if you are able to
get sellers to the product. In
other words, without targeted traffic your changes of making money are extremely slim.
One of your primary concerns is getting good traffic to your
site, either by making use of Pay
Per Click Advertising like Google Adwords or building your own site and optimizing
it for Search Engines. Just a word of warning: Google Adwords can be very expensive if you
do not know what you are doing, but it is definitely the fastest way to get traffic. Take a look at my site for
some resources available to help you with Google
Adwords. On the other hand, building and optimizing your own website can be very cheap, but getting traffic can
take some time.
If you want to be successful in affiliate marketing, and thousands already are, you must learn to use the tools available.
Do a search on some search engine for Adwords, Affiliate marketing and SEO (or search engine
Optimization) and learn a bit about this highly competitive, but extremely lucrative and interesting
opportunity. You can also visit my site and learn more about some very good opportunities. Just always
remember that in this game numbers make the difference between success and
failure. Without large numbers of targeted traffic you will find it difficult to make real money. It will
pay you to invest some time in learning about getting targeted traffic first.
SJP
Babrevian had discovered Online Money Making Opportunities and it blew him away. He is absolutely taken by how easy it
is. http://www.onlinemoneyportal.com
How Long Do Dogs Live
>From the time
we bring them home as wriggling
bundles of
joy, we all want our puppies
to live forever. As they bond
with us
and grow into full fledged family members, we tend not
to think about the end of
their life or how many precious years we have with our canine friends.
However,
when picking out our new
puppy it is rare that we
give adequate consideration to the average lifespan of the dog. There
are distinct factors that play into whether our puppy will be with us until our children graduate from high school or if they give us
a few good years.
Most experts agree that small breeds tend to outlive large breeds. The general rule of thumb is the larger the dog the shorter the life span. Large medium to large breed dog tend to live about ten years, although there
are exceptions to every rule. We have
a feisty-willed large breed mutt who is determined to see
his fifteenth birthday.
Smaller breeds tend to live longer, anywhere from twelve to fifteen years. Occasionally you will run into the nearly twenty year
old Scottie, but most dont
make it past their sixteenth year.
Again, every rule has
its exceptions. The Irish Wolfhound isnt
expected to make it more than six or seven good years although there really isnt a conclusive reason as to why this is so. Of
course these figures are taking into consideration
overall good
health and quality care. Genetics play a vital role in longetivity, but those we cant control. There are a few factors in our favorite
little guys life we
can do to help
him get to his ripe old age. Some of them can even combat predisposition to
genetic diseases.
One of the fastest
ways to shorten a dogs life is to keep him
outside all the time. Dogs that live outside tend to be missing a few key ingredients in their overall care that impact their life span.
Even with a shelter available, dogs do wear down and age quickly when they are dealing with constant element exposure. While some can adjust, most dog
bodies find the extremes the environment can dish out at them to be exhausting and threatening.
Dogs who permanently reside outside tend to receive less over all care. Since people spend the majority of their time at home inside, often small health problems go unnoticed until it becomes an overwhelming problem. Even the responsible pet owner can forget to feed or water the dog who is permanently engaged in outdoor activities when the lifestyle inside the home becomes stressed or busy.
Outdoor dogs also lack the essential strong emotional connection with their owners that indoor dogs benefit from. Having their human friends to please and play with goes a long
way in their overall happiness and health. Often a sick dog who has
no emotional connection will stop eating and
caring for themselves long before those who have families who love and care for them. If you want
your little guy to live a longer, fuller life, bring him inside and let him be part of the family lifestyle.
Whether you are bringing home a purebred puppy or a distinguished gentleman of questionable descent, their life
span can be about the same. Barring
any health problems, each should live as long as the other and it really just comes down to personal preference.
>From birth to about two years old your puppy is learning and growing. Every day your little guy is reaching new miles stones and his body is very busy. High quality puppy food packed with nutrition can help set him on the foundation for a healthy life.
These foods are a little more expensive, but they can be well worth the cost when considering the effects of malnutrition.
If your little guy comes from a family or breed history of hip and back problems such as hip dysplasia, excessive exercise in the first two years can put added stress on the joints in question and actually exacerbate the potential for later problems.
Exercise is good, over doing isnt.
Regular veterinary check ups and of course vaccinations during the first two years can help to catch problems early on, which will increase his overall health. This is the time when your puppy really needs you to watch out for him, whether his body is having health problems or he is ingesting things that can cause long term problems, staying on top of him now reduces health effects in his later years.
>From his second year
through his fifth we can consider this his basic years of good health and maintenance. Watch for signs of growing obesity and make sure he is receiving ample exercise and fun play time. If he is a healthy dog then these years should be stress free.
Keep at least annual appointments with the vet for check ups and updated shots. His food should be a high quality protein based variety, but if hes showing signs of to much happy eating either
cut back on his portions or switch to a low calorie variety.
Once he gets into his fifth to eighth year we can consider him a middle age to aging dog. These are the years when small but manageable health problems are likely to show up. If hes a really good eater but hasnt shown signs of obesity before, these are the years when his activity will slow down some and he may develop a weight problem now. Again, a good low calorie food and a few perhaps coaxed walks should be enough to help him keep his youthful figure.
Other problems such as cataracts, arthritis, or even heart murmurs are most likely to show up during these years. They are not catastrophic events and can typically be handled with a trip to the vet and either simple procedures or medication. Ignoring problems now however, are likely to grow into unmanageable problems quickly. Stay on top of his check ups and vaccinations to ward off any potential disasters looming about. Most dogs that are generally healthy should make it through these years just fine.
Depending on the size, breed, and overall health of your not so little guy, once he reaches eight years old he may be
starting to push toward borrowed time. Smaller breeds wont get there until about ten, but even medium dogs are now starting to wear down.
Just because hes getting old doesnt mean you have to start thinking about euthanasia. There is a possibility that he will have health and happiness for a few more years to come. However now is the time when health problems can erupt quickly and strike hard. Eight years old and
beyond is when you are most likely going to face making tough decisions about your faithful canines quality of life. The care you gave him as a puppy is now doing its part to take care of him as he ages.
Some older dogs need to be encouraged to eat. If your once upon a time eating
machine is suddenly losing weight, switch to a higher protein, higher fat content dog food to help him maintain his energy.
Our care for our dogs all the way through their lives can make a huge difference in how long they live a full and happy life. When bringing a new puppy home remember that how you treat his body right now will carry a direct effect to his life span down the road. Many dogs outlive their life span and are happy and energetic the whole way through.
A little love and responsibility can go a long, long way. Any dog that has touched your life will certainly live forever.
David Beart is the owner of
http://www.professorshouse.com. Our site covers pets, dogs, finances, family, cooking and other household issues.
5 Things You Didn't Know About A Yorkshire Terrier
Many assume
that, because
the Yorkie is such
a small dog, it will have few needs. This is
not true. As
with any breed, the Yorkie has elements that may
make it
your perfect pet... or the
worst choice you could make. Before deciding on any dog, you
must consider certain aspects.
One: grooming. The Yorkie has
a good deal
of hair that requires high maintenance. You must
brush every day
and clip regularly. Though
this breed sheds little
to no hair, which makes it excellence for allergy sufferers or those concerned with
ruining furniture, it still requires extensive care. Many
owners chose
to have
their Yorkies professionally groomed, but this costs money.
If you are not
willing to take the
time to have your Yorkie groomed, or to do it yourself, this is not the breed for you.
Two: health concerns. Though the Yorkie is a sturdy dog, it is still a little one and prone to certain problems. Its size makes it likely to get hurt more easily
from a fall or roughhousing. This does not make it suitable for families with young children. Also,
Yorkies can suffer from teeth problems. The best way to handle this is to use dry
food only to build up strength, and have regular
Vet visits. Finally, if you intend to breed Yorkies, you must realize that females can have problems delivering due to their size.
Three: exercise. Yorkies
are, by nature, active dogs. Routine exercise will be at minimal since
they will keep themselves busy during the day. Still, these dogs love to go for walks or to play in the yard. You must make sure
they are secure, however, as they might run away. A Yorkie has high hunting instincts and is inclined to chase.
Four: training. The Yorkie is a bit
of a contradiction. Though it can be easily trained, it will ignore that training
when it sees fit. This can make it appear to be a breed of lesser intelligence. This is not true. Yorkies are actually quite clever and capable of handling most problems. They
just also happen to be stubborn creatures. Training will be a constant
thing and will require time and attention.
Five: temperament. Yorkies are blessed with that infectious, fearless Terrier temperament. This is both a blessing and a curse for
owners. These dogs demand your time and attention. Also, they will do as they
please--this extends to
chasing down whatever animal happens to cross their path if they are able (including dogs as large as
Great Danes). Because of this fiery nature, Yorkies require an owner with patience and a disciplined mind. Your Yorkie will be devoted to you;
he just might not always listen.
If any of these characteristics seem
too overwhelming, the
Yorkie--or any other Terrier--is probably not for you. These are not
timid animals and do not need timid owners. Instead, you must be willing to face the challenges of owning this breed
for, with those challenges, comes a wonderful pet.
Richard Cussons is a champion for dogs of all breeds and Yorkshire Terriers in
particular. You can find out more about Yorkies at
http://www.yorkshireterriersavvy.com/.
